I learned another lesson a couple weeks ago, that has seriously changed my perceptions of dating. I didn't realize that when a guy gets nervous it means he thinks you're really pretty! I just assumed the guy didn't have self confidence! It's amazing to me to see guys I thought were so tongue tied around me, become really great guys around the girls they end up marrying....hmmm...wow.
I've definitely started giving guys more of a chance, if they are nervous at first, to warm up a little more...gosh, I wish I would have known...oh well, I guess none of them were my beshert...
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
New York Frum Events List!
Check out this new group. It's really great for finding all kinds of neat frum events in the New York area. www.groups.yahoo.com/group/nyfrumevents
Understanding other people's personalities
A friend told me about this really cool website called www.personalitypage.com that shows you information about your own and other people's personalities. It's neat learning about other people and how they work, why they do or don't do the things they do. Reading my own personality type was so validating. There were things I found it very hard to express to others and explain about the way I am, and reading it clear in black and white vindicated to me why I am the way I am...Enjoy!
HaRav Kaduri Mekubal
http://www.jewishpress.com/page.do/18292/Rav_Kadouri_Passes_Away_At_106.html
Really neat article to read about HaRav Kaduri. I didn't realize that he was sefardi and trained as a Chacham, which is really neat. I found the article an interesting context to place his life in. I heard Rabbi Kelleman at Neve Yerushalayim speak about a personal experience he had with Rav Kaduri and in general about mekubalim and how to approach the idea of them. His personal experience was kind of wacky, but amazing. It involved ridding a girl of a 'spirit' that was bothering her. I know, it sounds really wacky, but from what he said it made it sound like there are real spiritual things that can happen.
Other things I've heard of Rav Kaduri was how sensitive he was to the feelings of others, how deeply he cared. I'm not positive if this story was about him or Rav Auerbach, but the story goes that one of them had to pasken that a couple had to divorce. I don't remember all the details, maybe he had been a cohen and she a divorcee or convert. I really don't remember, but in either case they were very much in love. He paskened that they could not stay married, and then spent the WHOLE NIGHT crying over the pain of having to have had told them to end their relationship. I found that story very touching. Because sometimes you do have to do the right thing, and it is right, and G-d has His plan and we have to trust Him even when we don't understand it. But it's so painful to have to do the right thing sometimes. Especially when it means coming in between the love of two people who truly love one another. His crying and the extent of his crying, makes me respect his answer more too. Seeing how deeply he recognized and valued their love for one another is something that makes me respect him more.
Really neat article to read about HaRav Kaduri. I didn't realize that he was sefardi and trained as a Chacham, which is really neat. I found the article an interesting context to place his life in. I heard Rabbi Kelleman at Neve Yerushalayim speak about a personal experience he had with Rav Kaduri and in general about mekubalim and how to approach the idea of them. His personal experience was kind of wacky, but amazing. It involved ridding a girl of a 'spirit' that was bothering her. I know, it sounds really wacky, but from what he said it made it sound like there are real spiritual things that can happen.
Other things I've heard of Rav Kaduri was how sensitive he was to the feelings of others, how deeply he cared. I'm not positive if this story was about him or Rav Auerbach, but the story goes that one of them had to pasken that a couple had to divorce. I don't remember all the details, maybe he had been a cohen and she a divorcee or convert. I really don't remember, but in either case they were very much in love. He paskened that they could not stay married, and then spent the WHOLE NIGHT crying over the pain of having to have had told them to end their relationship. I found that story very touching. Because sometimes you do have to do the right thing, and it is right, and G-d has His plan and we have to trust Him even when we don't understand it. But it's so painful to have to do the right thing sometimes. Especially when it means coming in between the love of two people who truly love one another. His crying and the extent of his crying, makes me respect his answer more too. Seeing how deeply he recognized and valued their love for one another is something that makes me respect him more.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
The things I wish someone would have told me in Bais Yaakov
I'm thinking of writing a book about this....
I've been doing a lot of learning and want to share a few of the things with you on here...
The reality is, that I want to backtrack and change a little bit about some of the comments I made on this blog previously. I do still believe that at a certain age it should be accepted in the religious frum community for guys and girls to meet each other in natural ways, but I also want to write a little bit about some of the benefits of having a good shadchan, because I've had some good experiences with that lately...
I used to find it very frustrating to have someone else picking a person out for me to meet, but I've found that since people have contacts I don't have, sometimes this can be really good. Not every shadchan is good to go to. It's more about meeting someone we jive with and who understands who we are, and what we mean when we tell them what we need. Someone we can show the 'warts' and all to - or at least a few of them if not all ;).
I also learned something VERY useful from a guy I dated recently. He told me that guys get uncomfortable around girls and don't 'know what to do' in TWO situations.
1) Guy wants to end it or say something that will cause negative feelings in girl
2) Guy is very attracted to girl and wants to ask her out but is scared of being rejected because of how much he likes her.
ANY time a guy falls in these two categories, you are at risk for getting some mixed messages going on if he is too scared to get over his fear and face it with the courage to act.
I learned another thing from another guy...Guys like to be flirted with....Hmm...they never taught me that in Beis Yaakov.
But they also never taught me it was a GOOD thing to talk to a guy after the age of 18 or whenever I was serious about meeting people and finding someone to connect to and marry.
I DO see their point in some ways. When guys and girls just hang out as friends, the system doesn't seem to work. People are 'friends' with 'everyone' and there is no sense of loyalty and specialness that gets built. Noone is ever perfect, and when one person is not available, or interesting you can always turn to the next. Where one person's failings are, lie another person's strenghts. When one person is not looking so attractive, another person will be. People don't really bond with each other in the way they are meant to. I don't know why this phenominon seems to work differently in the non-Jewish world. Maybe it's because they touch, or maybe it's because there is less of a spiritual issue that is challenging them. Or maybe it is deceptively easier looking from the outside but not really so. I don't know. What I do know is that I believe that people are longing deep down inside to be together with another person in
I've been doing a lot of learning and want to share a few of the things with you on here...
The reality is, that I want to backtrack and change a little bit about some of the comments I made on this blog previously. I do still believe that at a certain age it should be accepted in the religious frum community for guys and girls to meet each other in natural ways, but I also want to write a little bit about some of the benefits of having a good shadchan, because I've had some good experiences with that lately...
I used to find it very frustrating to have someone else picking a person out for me to meet, but I've found that since people have contacts I don't have, sometimes this can be really good. Not every shadchan is good to go to. It's more about meeting someone we jive with and who understands who we are, and what we mean when we tell them what we need. Someone we can show the 'warts' and all to - or at least a few of them if not all ;).
I also learned something VERY useful from a guy I dated recently. He told me that guys get uncomfortable around girls and don't 'know what to do' in TWO situations.
1) Guy wants to end it or say something that will cause negative feelings in girl
2) Guy is very attracted to girl and wants to ask her out but is scared of being rejected because of how much he likes her.
ANY time a guy falls in these two categories, you are at risk for getting some mixed messages going on if he is too scared to get over his fear and face it with the courage to act.
I learned another thing from another guy...Guys like to be flirted with....Hmm...they never taught me that in Beis Yaakov.
But they also never taught me it was a GOOD thing to talk to a guy after the age of 18 or whenever I was serious about meeting people and finding someone to connect to and marry.
I DO see their point in some ways. When guys and girls just hang out as friends, the system doesn't seem to work. People are 'friends' with 'everyone' and there is no sense of loyalty and specialness that gets built. Noone is ever perfect, and when one person is not available, or interesting you can always turn to the next. Where one person's failings are, lie another person's strenghts. When one person is not looking so attractive, another person will be. People don't really bond with each other in the way they are meant to. I don't know why this phenominon seems to work differently in the non-Jewish world. Maybe it's because they touch, or maybe it's because there is less of a spiritual issue that is challenging them. Or maybe it is deceptively easier looking from the outside but not really so. I don't know. What I do know is that I believe that people are longing deep down inside to be together with another person in
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Telling it like it is - some very insightful dating information
Nice guys and nice girls. Why doesn't he/she want to go out with me?
Some great articles to read.
www.niceguys.org
www.nicegirls.org
and some really good articles at www.nicecentral.org
Go check it out!
Some great articles to read.
www.niceguys.org
www.nicegirls.org
and some really good articles at www.nicecentral.org
Go check it out!
Friday, April 20, 2007
Revving Up For Another Kumsitz
The smell of kumsitz is in the air. It's coming, coming!
Wow, just had to go fun there for a second. Ahem --- excuse me :)
But really. People have been asking me about it, and I'm feeling excited about it. I already have a whole list of people looking forward. I was thinking of doing it ON Lag Ba'Omer for the end of the day and into the night, but I already have tentative plans, so it may not work. How funny, I think I had the same plans (in a very different form) last year.
I can hardly wait to listen to music again. I'm itching, thrashing inside. It's tugging at my insides a little, in need of a good soothing melody, especially because this is not the easiest time for me, in some significant ways.
But this is also a good time. Challenging. Oh boy challenging, but good too. Hoping for some more and more good to go with it.
Wow, just had to go fun there for a second. Ahem --- excuse me :)
But really. People have been asking me about it, and I'm feeling excited about it. I already have a whole list of people looking forward. I was thinking of doing it ON Lag Ba'Omer for the end of the day and into the night, but I already have tentative plans, so it may not work. How funny, I think I had the same plans (in a very different form) last year.
I can hardly wait to listen to music again. I'm itching, thrashing inside. It's tugging at my insides a little, in need of a good soothing melody, especially because this is not the easiest time for me, in some significant ways.
But this is also a good time. Challenging. Oh boy challenging, but good too. Hoping for some more and more good to go with it.
BANG ON A CAN MARATHON
Saturday, June 2TBD - Sunday, June 3Winter Garden
MUSIC
River to River at the World Financial Center presents
BANG ON A CAN MARATHON20th ANNIVERSARY
In 1987, the first Bang on a Can Marathon in New York City exploded many of the myths surrounding contemporary music. This year we'll blow open the gates even further with a 26 hour round-the-clock super-mix of mind-boggling, genre-defying music by pioneering artists from around the globe. Bring your ears and come prepared to have a blast!KIDS CAN TOO!Sunday, June 2 :: 2pm :: Battery Park City Esplanade PlazaBring your kids, hang out along the river and hear an awesome set of fun and unusual music featuring Bang on a Can electric guitarist and instrument inventor Mark Stewart, the central Asian sound wizards Mashriq from Uzbekistan, Talujon Percussion Quartet and instruments you've never seen or heard before!
BANG ON A CAN MARATHONSaturday, June 2, 8pm-Sunday, June 3, 10pm :: Winter Garden26 hours of ear-twisting music featuring the following artists:
ComposersJohn Luther Adams, Louis Andriessen, Chris Adler, Derek Bermel, Jeffrey Brooks, Don Byron, Mary Ellen Childs, Mark Dancigers, Franco Donatoni, Brian no, John Fitz Rogers, David R. Gordon, Michael Gordon, Judd Greenstein, John King, Phil Kline, David Lang, David Longstreth, Alvin Lucier, Missy Mazzoli, Thurston Moore, Steve Reich, James Tenney, Matt Tierney, JG Thirlwell, Galina Ustvolskaya, Edgar Varese, Lois V Vierk, Julia Wolfe, Evan Ziporyn and more.PerformersBang on a Can All-Stars, Iva Bittová, Bagpipe Orchestra, Robert Black, Don Byron, The Clogs, Dälek, David Cossin, Dirty Projectors, Eighth Blackbird, Ethel, Dominic Frasca, Grand Valley State University New Music Ensemble, Michael Harrison, Hartt Bass Band, International Contemporary Ensemble (ICE), Vijay Iyer, Kyaw Kyaw Naing, Manorexia, Mashriq, Meehan/Perkins Duo, Patti Monson, Now Ensemble, Odd Appetite, Milind Raikar, Real Quiet, red fish blue fish, Steven Schick, Mark Stewart, Mike Svoboda , TACTUS, Talujon Percussion Quartet, World Saxophone Quartet, and more.FilmsBill Morrison and Matt Mullican
from: http://www.worldfinancialcenter.com/calendar/
MUSIC
River to River at the World Financial Center presents
BANG ON A CAN MARATHON20th ANNIVERSARY
In 1987, the first Bang on a Can Marathon in New York City exploded many of the myths surrounding contemporary music. This year we'll blow open the gates even further with a 26 hour round-the-clock super-mix of mind-boggling, genre-defying music by pioneering artists from around the globe. Bring your ears and come prepared to have a blast!KIDS CAN TOO!Sunday, June 2 :: 2pm :: Battery Park City Esplanade PlazaBring your kids, hang out along the river and hear an awesome set of fun and unusual music featuring Bang on a Can electric guitarist and instrument inventor Mark Stewart, the central Asian sound wizards Mashriq from Uzbekistan, Talujon Percussion Quartet and instruments you've never seen or heard before!
BANG ON A CAN MARATHONSaturday, June 2, 8pm-Sunday, June 3, 10pm :: Winter Garden26 hours of ear-twisting music featuring the following artists:
ComposersJohn Luther Adams, Louis Andriessen, Chris Adler, Derek Bermel, Jeffrey Brooks, Don Byron, Mary Ellen Childs, Mark Dancigers, Franco Donatoni, Brian no, John Fitz Rogers, David R. Gordon, Michael Gordon, Judd Greenstein, John King, Phil Kline, David Lang, David Longstreth, Alvin Lucier, Missy Mazzoli, Thurston Moore, Steve Reich, James Tenney, Matt Tierney, JG Thirlwell, Galina Ustvolskaya, Edgar Varese, Lois V Vierk, Julia Wolfe, Evan Ziporyn and more.PerformersBang on a Can All-Stars, Iva Bittová, Bagpipe Orchestra, Robert Black, Don Byron, The Clogs, Dälek, David Cossin, Dirty Projectors, Eighth Blackbird, Ethel, Dominic Frasca, Grand Valley State University New Music Ensemble, Michael Harrison, Hartt Bass Band, International Contemporary Ensemble (ICE), Vijay Iyer, Kyaw Kyaw Naing, Manorexia, Mashriq, Meehan/Perkins Duo, Patti Monson, Now Ensemble, Odd Appetite, Milind Raikar, Real Quiet, red fish blue fish, Steven Schick, Mark Stewart, Mike Svoboda , TACTUS, Talujon Percussion Quartet, World Saxophone Quartet, and more.FilmsBill Morrison and Matt Mullican
from: http://www.worldfinancialcenter.com/calendar/
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Google This
This was forwarded to me by a friend.
Subject: Fw: Google this
Take 60 seconds to do this - it's worth the effort.
1. go to www.google.com
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type "London" in the second box (the "to" box)(hit get directions)
6. scroll down to step #24
LOL!! :)
Subject: Fw: Google this
Take 60 seconds to do this - it's worth the effort.
1. go to www.google.com
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type "London" in the second box (the "to" box)(hit get directions)
6. scroll down to step #24
LOL!! :)
Healing Relationships
This website and semi-diary of healing and recovery is a 'must read' for anyone who wants to grow to love themself and develop healing relationships with others.
http://www.joy2meu.com/Relationship.html
http://www.joy2meu.com/Relationship.html
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