The things I wish someone would have told me in Bais Yaakov

I'm thinking of writing a book about this....

I've been doing a lot of learning and want to share a few of the things with you on here...

The reality is, that I want to backtrack and change a little bit about some of the comments I made on this blog previously. I do still believe that at a certain age it should be accepted in the religious frum community for guys and girls to meet each other in natural ways, but I also want to write a little bit about some of the benefits of having a good shadchan, because I've had some good experiences with that lately...

I used to find it very frustrating to have someone else picking a person out for me to meet, but I've found that since people have contacts I don't have, sometimes this can be really good. Not every shadchan is good to go to. It's more about meeting someone we jive with and who understands who we are, and what we mean when we tell them what we need. Someone we can show the 'warts' and all to - or at least a few of them if not all ;).

I also learned something VERY useful from a guy I dated recently. He told me that guys get uncomfortable around girls and don't 'know what to do' in TWO situations.

1) Guy wants to end it or say something that will cause negative feelings in girl
2) Guy is very attracted to girl and wants to ask her out but is scared of being rejected because of how much he likes her.

ANY time a guy falls in these two categories, you are at risk for getting some mixed messages going on if he is too scared to get over his fear and face it with the courage to act.

I learned another thing from another guy...Guys like to be flirted with....Hmm...they never taught me that in Beis Yaakov.

But they also never taught me it was a GOOD thing to talk to a guy after the age of 18 or whenever I was serious about meeting people and finding someone to connect to and marry.

I DO see their point in some ways. When guys and girls just hang out as friends, the system doesn't seem to work. People are 'friends' with 'everyone' and there is no sense of loyalty and specialness that gets built. Noone is ever perfect, and when one person is not available, or interesting you can always turn to the next. Where one person's failings are, lie another person's strenghts. When one person is not looking so attractive, another person will be. People don't really bond with each other in the way they are meant to. I don't know why this phenominon seems to work differently in the non-Jewish world. Maybe it's because they touch, or maybe it's because there is less of a spiritual issue that is challenging them. Or maybe it is deceptively easier looking from the outside but not really so. I don't know. What I do know is that I believe that people are longing deep down inside to be together with another person in

Telling it like it is - some very insightful dating information

Nice guys and nice girls. Why doesn't he/she want to go out with me?

Some great articles to read.

www.niceguys.org

www.nicegirls.org

and some really good articles at www.nicecentral.org

Go check it out!