Words of Wisdom

I want to share these words of wisdom someone shared with me, and they seem to be something that others are gaining from as well:

"The difference between a dream and a goal is a deadline."

He said put little stickies on your wall for each week, and put down what your goal is for that week, to make your dreams and aspirations start moving somewhere. (Gerry learnt this from DA)

Of course we can only make goals for ourselves, and our choices of action, not someone else's...like a parent can't make a goal to have their child start being conscientious about doing their homework, they can instead make a goal for starting to set limits or to educate the child, but they can't ultimately make the choice to change. (this last part was seen on something written by Dr. Phil.) :)

May we all come closer to our goals, on this fast day. May we all be drawn towards teshuvah (return) to closeness with our Creator.

What is this fast day about? Do you know?

I read this nice article on the fast of the 10th of Teves at ou.org. Here's the link:

http://www.ou.org/chagim/roshchodesh/tevet/fast.htm

Kumsitz Tonight

I'm having a kumsitz tonight after the fast. Bring musical instruments, divrei Torah, and anything that has inspired you recently that you want to share with others. Email me if you need directions to my place.

Another Blog

By a searching Jew who converted, and seems to have a great soul. He put up this website to educate Christians who are vering off the path of their Christianity. He seems very deep. Some of you might find it an interesting sight as well.

http://sagavyah.tripod.com/id82.html

He also told me about this interesting website, which teaches things about Yemenite Jews, who try to maintain what they say is the closest link to how our Mesorah was originally enacted. They are also followers of the Rambam, and don't keep anything enacted after a certain timepoint by Rabbis. See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yemenite_Jews

Nachum Segal Radio Show and another Nice Blog Spot

Nachum Segal Radio Show

I found this link among some other really nice links on the blogspot:

http://asimplejew.blogspot.com

Breslov Radio Online

http://www.radiobreslev.com/index_eng.html

Live Tele-Shiur from Israel - R' Nasan M'Breslov z"l - The Force Behind the Source

Fw: This post has been forwarded to you for you review:

Originally Posted by: "Talmidei Baal Shem" fivetownschassidus @ yahoo.com

**Live Tele-Shiur from Israel - "R. Nasan M'Breslov, z"l - The Force Behind the Source" - Thursday Night (12/28) @ 9PM NY Time -
With Rav Nasan Maimon, Shlita
**L'Kavod the Yahrtzeit of R. Nasan M. Breslov (10th of Teves) -
"R. Nasan M'Breslov, z"l - The Force Behind the Source".
(Note That We Still need a sponsor for this week's shiur)

This shiur is based on Likutei Halachos - If you're new to this sefer, Likutei Halachos consists of R' Noson M'Breslov's collected Torah discourses, in which he used the chassidic insights contained in R' Nachman's lessons, stories, and other teachings to illuminate the entire body of Jewish law applicable today, as codified in the Shulchan Aruch.

Rav Maimon is the Executive Director and lecturer for the Breslov World Center. He received his Smicha from, and teaches in, the Yeshiva Chassidai Breslov in Jerusalem, and delivers classes and lectures in Talmud and Chassidus throughout the United States, Europe and Israel. You can hear some of his shiurim at at the following link: http://www.breslov.

This is a LIVE teleconference. To Access it, just dial 1-218-339-7800 and at the prompt, Dial the Access Code - 24681358#. (Note - you must dial the "#" after the access code) (This is a minnesota number, so it will be a long distance call)If you would like to sponsor this or subsequent shiurim, or would like more information about this shiur, Please visit our group at http://us.f362.mail.yahoo.com/ym/Compose?To=fivetownschassidus%40yahoo.com.

Please spread the word and contact us with your email address, as we're trying to distribute the link to the shiur afterwards as well.Enjoy, and Gut Shabbos!
------------ --------- --------- ---

Rabbi Chaim Eisen on the Yeshiva System Today

http://www.aishdas.org/avodah/faxes/teaching.htm

Haven't read the whole article yet, but what I read so far I love! Enjoy :)

A friend referred me to this link. Thank you, Michael.

SHMIRAS HALOSHON FOR SINGLES

FW: A SHMIRAS HALASHON YOMI CAMPAIGN has been started for the sole purpose of accumulating zechuyos for singles. When you join you will recieve 2 halochos on shmiras haloshon via email, daily. The Halachos are written in a clear and interesting manner and questions are welcome.

LEARN TWO HALACHOS A DAY AND HELP END THE SHIDDUCH CRISIS!!To join this exciting program visit http://groups.yahoo.com/group/segulah4singles/

This is what people are saying about the program:

"I look forward to these e-mails each day! Thanks so much!! Tizke Limitzvos!!" MK
"Fantastic!" -HA
"Thank you for everything. May we dance together at each other's Simchas soon." -TH
"Thanks for all the e-mails. You are really giving the public a great zechut!"- Chavie

- As an added note: "Hachayim Vehamavet beyad halashon" - (I don't remember the source.) But the power of how we speak to and about one another has monumental impact, here and on the spiritual realm which ultimately affects us here, whether we realize it and acknowledge it or not. Additionally, one way to grow to become a better spouse and friend is to work on speaking in constructive and supportive ways to each other, building each other and the people around us up.

Foreign Adoption Rules

This is an interesting and noteworthy article (see link below). On the one hand, it could end up discriminating against some good parents out there, but on the other hand, it's good to see a country finally take a stand about the concept of trying to make sure their children are taken care of by parents who are capable of really doing so. Too many parents are not really doing the job properly that was entrusted to them, and are shirking their responsibilities, or worse damaging the children in their care. It's about time someone started to scratch the surface of taking notice of this issue on a global level, in my opinion. Kudos to them for also showing a sense of flexiblity in the process and seeming open to revisions...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20061225/ts_nm/china_adoption_dc

Still Sick

Apparently I caught a virus last week when I went to visit a friend at the end of Shabbos. It was either airborn, or someone double dipped their fingers in the chummos at Shalesheudis, is my guess. But one way or the other, I have this virus, and the doctor said it could last anywhere from 2 days to 3 weeks. I hope not!

Being Sick

Can be a blessing. I was running around very fast before it happened, and while a lot of the time is spent in too much pain or too unconscious for reflection, I have caught a few moments of good time with myself. There's nowhere to go, just here in bed, reflecting, thinking...It's wonderful actually...have missed doing this for a long time...

I think I might know who I caught it from too, she was sick for about a week - last week. So that's my guess.

I'm sad about having to cancel my meal for Friday night, and Oneg this week...it really would have been nice to have people over for singing and Divrei Torah, but Hashem has His Plan, and I'm sure it will be a better one that I could have planned. Maybe the plan is for me to experience the kiddusha of this week on my own...

Home Sick

For the past 3 days. I've been sick..yuck...

"Addictions for Everyone"

Read an interesting article by Sarah Chana Radcliffe on what addictions are and aren't.

http://www.sarahchanaradcliffe.com/art_addiction.htm

Today is officially my birthday

For the past 48 minutes it has been my birthday. I'm not sure what to say other than to wish myself many blessings for the coming year. I have many blessings today too. I will make a list of some of the blessings in my life today, for myself.

I went to a wedding today (or rather Sunday), and it was a special Chuppah. The Rabbi had the people come up and surround the Chosson and Kallah and give them blessings, and sing and dance for them surrounding the Chuppa. In some ways it actually reminded me of the Chassidic wedding I went to recently in that sense. He spoke of love and that love must come with humility, because to love we have to have the capacity to make space for another person, to give to the other person, to be sensitive to their needs.

I'm tired and have a sore throat now. I should get some tea along with many other things for my new place. I'm mostly moved in...and spreading out....I wanted to buy stuff and move in more to my apartment today, but I also wanted to go to the wedding. In the end, I think it was a good move to go to the wedding (although either way would have been a good move - don't you both love and hate those decisions?), it was very appropoe the day before my birthday to spend it with other people dancing for the wedding. It felt nice and comforting to be doing that.

Chanuka Divrei Torah

I'm craving lots of good ones of them, so if you have any good ones or know of any nice uplifting events, pass on the info this way :).

This Past Week

Has been incredibly busy between planning the move and then moving, on top of dating, sort of looking for a roommate, trying to sell off a printer and scanner, planning for Chanuka, starting a new group get-together, and a number of other time intensive things. Wow, and yet I'm looking forward to a busy Shabbos being with people. What a blessing. What a blessing too, that the move actually happened Weds. night.

What a blessing to have had friends to help. And what a blessing to be challenged this past week in dating to make more clear what I want in my relationship with Hashem. Sometimes what may seem to be a big challenge, can turn into a blessing. Did I say sometimes? Not always? Ok, I'm still at sometimes. But most of the time, maybe someday I will be able to say always...like Hashem does...

Shabbos Singing After Lunch

I moved into my new place! I'm making Shabbos lunch for some neighbors, some of whom helped me generously with the move. I know at least 2 of the guys have great voices, so I'm hoping it sort of becomes a nice sing-off with joining in neighbors and friends. Being Shabbos Chanuka, it would bring me even more joy to have beautiful singing and Divrei Torah than usual. What a beautiful way to bring in Chanuka :). It's also a wonderful way to spend the Shabbos before my English birthday. Yes, that's right, my b-day is coming up on Monday....

Let me know how your Shabbos and Chanuka went.

I just got an email with tons of musical things going on this coming week...Am looking forward to doing some of them....

Moving Tonight

I'm moving into my apartment finally tonight. Everyone is invited over to come help me move. The truck will be pulling up outside my door after 9 pm tonight, and you can all come help bring stuff inside and see my new place :).

I've been over-renting for this month. And thankfully now can start the move over. Gotta get really good locks for my door, anyone know where to get good ones at a good price?

And for all those who have been wondering, my b-day is coming up this coming Monday!

Melaveh Malka at My Place

Tonight. It's spur of the moment. Anyone reading this is invited to come and bring along friends. Call me for directions and timing.

Yummalicious Chicken

Is cooking right now for Shabbos. In my rush, I dumped in all these interesting spices and it smells so unbelievably enticing I can't wait to try it...

Words Of Wisdom

Sometimes it's wiser to let oneself look bad to a date, if they will try to manipulate you, so they will just go away...

Excitingly My Birthday is Coming Up Soon :)

Weeeehoooo!!!!
So many mixed feelings, but one of them is joy. Birthday parties can be nice, and presents too...:)

Does an Abused Child Make A Good Spouse Someday?

This is such a vast topic, with soooo much to write. I don't have the time to do it anything near justice right now, but the topic rang in my head while I was riding the subway, and I think it's not nearly discussed openly enough in the religious world. So, I will attempt to write more on it. And am just putting the thought out there into your brains. Am curious to hear your thoughts too.

New Apartment

I'm excited about my new place. And am interviewing roommates over the next few days. And seek to trust the Creator to create opportunities and to give me the clarity, or more importantly the blessing of finding someone good to live with. Doing something the nice and easy way could be fun, perhaps. Guess I'll find out soon enough what G-d has in store.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T and Control

Dating has become interesting. I've sort of realized lately that the most common element missing in a lot of people dating today is self respect, and respect for other people.

Most people have not learned to respect themselves. They have learned to push down their feelings, stay on top, stay sarcastic, make people laugh, never show vulnerability. They have learned to excel and to measure themselves through their jobs, and how others measure them. They never learn to gauge from within, their own opinion of themselves.

When they are angry, or feel threatened or scared, they get sarcastic, put down other people, run away without letting the other person get close. Men more than women suffer from feeling they must shove down their feelings, and may not even be aware of their feelings. Like children, they act out what they don't feel safe saying. They want to say 'what you said insulted me' so instead they joke and insult you. They want to say 'I need your attention', instead they may blame you for being too busy, or joke about how busy you are. Obviously, this hurts the other person, there is no way to talk through feelings or heal them, resolve them without being honest about them.

Next, there is the desire to control the other person that is so prevalent, and so hidden.

A great question for one to ask themselves is:

What do I wish I could control about this other person's
-thoughts
-actions
-feelings
-choices
-behaviours
-religious beliefs
-values

Another great excercize that can be helpful is to make a list of the people who have been significant in your life (both in childhood and adulthood), and write down in separate columns how you tried to change them to be how you wanted, (read list above for specific categories), whether it worked, if so for how long, and what the repercussions were ultimately for doing so.

If you are very honest with this excercize, your life and your dating life might change drastically for the better. I learned this from someone and am passing it on to all of you...

Niagra Falls

Was nice, not quite what I expected. It has been built up with lots of hotels in the background, and we got there early and the park wasn't really open. Had fun on the ride back though. It's nice to know nice people.

Interesting Hashgocho

There is a lot of interesting hashgocho in this world. It's actually cool. It's like G-d has arranged for me to grow in a certain way and creates this obstacle course that is designed for me to grow in exactly that way, and keeps throwing the same things my way until I grow in the ways I need to grow from them.

I've made the move out of the 'wrong' dating arenas for me, like the shul I was at, and the internet. Now I have a few guys who have started pursuing me, in one way or another, which is good in itself, (for a while I was wondering if only non-Jews would try to date me), but shows me that I can't date someone just because they want to date me, as flattering as it may be. There is so much more.

I know I've learned this lesson before, but apparently it was needed again.

It can be very tempting to go for a guy who is not for us, because he is charming, or deeply interested, but that is not ultimately what is going to make us happy, if other important parts are not in place. It's hard not to call them back, or show special warmth and interest back to someone who is 'into' you, especially when it is flattering.

But there is amazing hashgocho, because in those times when I know I should end something, but don't want to, and want to hold on, Hashem finds a way to end it. And sometimes just when I least expect it.

It's a gift to be looked after.

Thank You Hashem.

Amazing Shiur Tonight - Rabbi Rietti

I went to an excellent shiur tonight on the topic of dating. Maybe more because I was actually more ready to 'hear' it more than ever before...

I will copy over my notes, even though it was better to 'be there', but I gained so much from it, I didn't want you all to miss it...Please excuse the non-sequitors. There is more I wish I'd have written, but alas...:)

First he walked up to the podium and asked us all what one should look for in a partner/spouse.

The top 10 things.

The audience starting calling out answers.

Things like: respect for others, honesty, kindness, responsibility (financially and otherwise), ability to apologize, similar health interests, hygience, attractiveness, chemistry, flexibility, down to earth, etc...

(Before you read on, what are some of the things you would put on your top 10 list?)

Then Rabbi Rietti said "Imagine you found someone who had all of these things, and over the test of time and in various situations you found they still rated a 10 on all of the items you listed that you were looking for. Would you want to marry them?

(What would your answer be?)

The audience remained mostly quiet, a few people answered yes.

He said imagine they are everything you are looking for, (including any options of reasons you could come with that would be issues, imagine they are everything you are looking for) would you marry them? More answered yes.

(just "shows to go" that a LOT of us sitting in that audience both want to get married, and fear it....in my opinion...)

Finally he asked, if you married them at that point, would that gaurantee that you would have a happy marriage?

People seemed unsure that it would. "No", we mostly agreed...

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because of 2 reasons...." one or more of the members of the audience shared in their thoughts that:

1) People change. Noone stays the same. Can anyone say they are the same person they were 5 years ago? 5 months ago? Does anyone know anyone who married the exact same person they are still married to? So even if we are entirely happy with the person we marry, they can ultimately change.

and

2) Circumstances change. Eg. You married someone adventurous or stable, and he/she lost their job or their abusive parent died and they stopped being independ and adventurous and became depressed.

And when life happens and he has a different way of raising the kids than you do, issues of vacation, where to live, where to send the kids to school, how to raise them, how to deal with day to day issues arise, there can and will inevitably be differences, because there are 2 separate people in the picture, and they have different ways of doing things.

Rabbi Rietti explained - "Circumstances don't shape us, other people don't shape us, they both reveal us. The point is not how similar we are to another person, but in how well we can get along with the differences.

The real question we need to ask, is not if things are going to be hard, but that when you aren't compassionate or supportive, when things are hard, what will come out of me when you squeeze me?

When the person is bring out a difference from you, do you react with compassion and understanding of their needs? Or defensiveness and friction?

If so, can we think - is this about me or is this about something that's hurting YOU (the other person) deep inside that I need to learn to better understand you and your needs through? Can learning where you are coming from and why you are behaving in this way show me that this has nothing to do with me, and is how you are because of how you were raised, or some other reason? Might learning that open my feelings of compassion and perhaps even bring me to admire you for not being worse after all you have been through?

Or is my reaction to react, defend, attack, be sarcastic, put down your view...etc?

No matter how wealthy or famous someone is, they are missing something deep that's lacking in their soul, a need that is not fulfilled until we are 'seen for who we are' and appreciated for it. We are all craving that, and who we are on the most deep level is our Tzelem Elokim. This is what we crave most deeply inside, to be known for our truest deep selves.

Actors are famous for who they are NOT. We see them on the streets and relate to them as we saw them on screen, they are so famous and yet they are missing people seeing them for who they are. They crave to be seen.

We all crave to be seen.

To be seen for our most true inner self, we need to act like G-d. To be kind. We need our spouses, friends, family to see us acting in a G-dly way.

The most important of all the qualities in dating is kindness. Because being kind says to the other person indirectly without words that "You exist in my life and I enjoy helping fulfill your needs. I want to spend time with you and be focused on what I can do for you. Kindness encompasses all the other good traits, because to be kind you must have respect, recognize differences in others, listen, hear what they need and feel, etc...

We need love and connection from others.

Whenever we criticize others, no matter how gently, we send them the message that " something is wrong with you and that is unacceptable to me, and when you change I will be more happy in this relationship - and I can't fully accept and love you unless you change" and who in the history of the world has changed another person? Noone.

The more important person to focus on changing in dating is ourselves. In family systems, they see that no matter how dysfunctional a family, when one person makes a major change, it changes the whole family. People respond to one another, and each person responds to a different person, when that person has changed.

The focus of our dating should be in changing ourselves to become more compassionate, more giving.

He then gave the 10 commandments of dating, but I'm exhausted, and need to go get my laundry (hopefully ready) out of the drier.

Now a few of my own thoughts based on what he said:

I think that while people do change, we all need to find someone we want to be with, but kindness is a major part of it, and doing kindness an even more major part. Don't we like people who are kind to us? Like people we are kind to? Who do we let that part of ourselves out with? Do we ever let it out on a date?

As Rabbi Rietti suggested, in dating we should find out what the other person most enjoys doing in life? What they enjoy most about their job? Look for ways to hear about their areas of virtue, kindness, love, affinity, respect, giving. We all have these wonderful things in ourselves.

The point, he said, is we need to focus on who WE are, when difficulties happen, how that creates a situation that can bring out growth within US.

That is not to negate that we need someone who we want to be with, in my opinion.

But how many of us fear rejection to the point that we shy away or don't take risks that could help us? As the book goes "Feel the fear and do it anyway", that is what leads to strength. Because if you give into your fear, your fear will grow stronger.

I was talking to someone after the shiur tonight who mentioned that: The fact that we grew up separate from guys/girls, and many of us don't know how to start talking to one another, which confounds all of the natural apprehension that is already there, is there.

We are all in this same boat together. So take a step. Do something for a guy, or for a girl. Have the courage to look at him or her and smile, to go over and talk. Chances she or he is wanting you to come over as much if not more than you want it. We are all flattered by the attentions of others.

As a guy told me, so many people (yes, guys and girls) are worried they will come across as desparate if they call back too soon, show their interest, etc...but the reality is that it's natural normal and we all want to be close in a relationshiop, and you never know, the other person might want more than anything for you to reach you and say hi.

There's so much more to write, but I am gonna go to sleep.

May you all find someone wonderful to love soon, and be blessed to give to them with love and patience.

Fear of Publicity

I'm feeling a little shy about the fact that I told a few people I wrote this blog. I wanted it to be sort of anonymous, happened upon and "found" by people searching, who needed to see another frum person who shared real thoughts in an open and honest way, and someone honestly talking about some of the things we are all experiencing.

Hopefully, the address is confusing enough that noone will find it...:P

Choosing Between 2 Good Options

Hi everyone, yes I have a lot more to write and ponder on ideas started (and not yet started) on topics from the previous post/s. We all know there's a lot more where that came from, but being after 1 pm tonight, and needing to go to sleep takes precedence. Sorry ;), better luck next post...

In the meantime, I will share a small inner awareness I thought about tonight.

Choosing between 2 potentially good options and losing out on one, can create a great inner conflict, where we sometime might feel pulled towards focusing on what we lost, but in reality when we only see with true perspective, we see that we are lucky (or more correctly fortunate, since it's not really 'luck') because either way while we may lose what we didn't get, we also gain either way!

What a gift from G-d to be put in a position where either way you find something wonderful no matter where you turn. What a wonderful tormenting conflict to have to be put into (as tormenting conflicts go...and well, in general too)!

I had a night like that tonight....

And no, it was not in connection to dating.

Now gotta go to bed.

'Nite all...

Shiurm on the Dating Crisis

There were 2 shiurim tonight with many frum single good looking guys and girls, and NO dates came out of it. Not ONE single date. In fact, even though they came to discuss 'Survival in Dating" none of the guys or girls talked after the event!

The guys mostly walked out immediately after the event, then the guys who were left talked to the guys and the girls talked to the girls.

There were lots of really put together, cute looking guys and girls there.

Starbucks should have been FILLED tonight.

The problem with dating is a much deeper issue than putting people in the same square footage of one another.

To start with, people don't talk to each other because:

1) they think it's WRONG
2) they don't know HOW
3) FEAR of what others will think
4) Misguided beliefs about dating, the opposite gender, and oneself

Wrote long post on this topic, but it was lost, need to go to bed, will write more later...

The Craziness Of Dating

Who has been able to conquer this confusing maze? How many people out there can relate and say that they don't date well?

It's madness, for some of us.

If we would compare the process of what this world calls 'dating' to the development of the our close friendships, we would never give someone else a list of all the things we like in a friend, have them go pick out people, call them expecting, hoping, for them to be the person to be our lifelong best friend, and then sit with a person for a few hours straight, who is a total stranger and be interviewed by them about our whole life, in order to see if we could become friends!

It takes time, experiencing life with each other day and in and day out, no pressure, seeing the good and bad, letting life happen, coping with both....

Should the first 'date' be a 'date' even? Maybe, yes. Maybe, no. Is multiple dating good? These are all good questions, and maybe I will write more about them in later posts.

But either way, without getting to know people in a relaxed non-pressured way, it feels...well...too pressured for many. The expectation level gets way too high, and some of us seem to lose the 'hi, we're both just people' outlook. Can anyone here relate?

The whole system of meeting someone and immediately expecting to be in a deep close relationship with them, just doesn't seem to work that well, for some. Sometimes people seem to jump in head first, on some level, and while we even seem to know that it may not be good for us, we somehow don't seem to know how to do it differently.

I think it has something to do with the fact that being frum and single at any age when a person really wants to be 'with' someone, feels unnatural in some important ways, and the feeling of wanting to 'merge' (on numerous levels) can be great.

The time has come to make some changes.

As the saying goes "if you keep trying what you always did, you'll keep on getting what you always got."

Making a change, means taking new actions, different ones that don't feel comfortable at first. It might mean smiling at a guy/girl and risking the rejection, asking someone out, opening up, staying more closed, whatever feels like that difficult thing that is stopping us, and I think we all know deep inside if we take the time to listen.

Some helpful tools to help you grow are:

1) Take some time to listen to your heart. Journal, write out your thoughts and feelings, don't censor it.

2) Take 2 minutes and talk to G-d today about it.

3) Read something that talks about your challenge. (Patience is one I want to do some reading about.)

Let yourself be more centered, give yourself that gift. Open your heart to yourself. Listen. Hear yourself. You deserve to have this commitment.

Peace.

Am I allergic to my socks? :)

So, it turns out I'm allergic to my socks. By process of elimination, so now Nylon is involved in this bit. You may wonder how this has any thing to do with inner truth.

Listening to our bodies is something many people unfortunately learn not to do. Some of us have grown up being told how to live, how to feel, what to put on, take off, and when. We may not have learned things like reading our own bodies messages, or only taking note of them when it is too late, like once we are sick enough to require immediate help, and then there are those of us that even then feel guilty asking for our needs, even when we have acknowledged that something doesn't feel quite right inside.

Anyway, I found out it was the socks by process of elimination.

Now, get this!! Kindness. Wonderful sweet blessed kindness, from G-d and from other people.
How, you ask?

I went out last night right after Shabbos, called my doctor on a Saturday night, who called in my prescription, thinking I was not diagnosed something strong enough prior to that, and then while I was standing there, the doctor went out of his way to find out my 'new' info from the health insurance company, which I didn't have, so I wouldn't have to pay the full amount on the spot (8 times the amount of the co-pay!!) They were closing soon, and he did it anyway, gave me a pill on the spot before paying and even some kosher filtered water to wash it down with, and then came over to potentially refill.

"Mi Kiamcha yisrael, goi echad baaretz". What beautiful achdus of Your People, Hashem. What beautiful gifts You extended to me last night, taking care of me, nurturing me, looking out for me. Sending the right people in my path, to help me to keep Your word, and to take care of myself, and provide me with relief from the tingling swelling itches that were overtaking me. What sweet relief. Thank You!

Great Link On Self Image In Today's Society

A wake up call reminder to all of us out there who seek to be and/or find 'beauty to perfection' in our lifelong partner. Great link.

http://www.pumbo.com/juegos.php?id=5292

Allergies

I had an allergic reaction today, and am home from work. I hope to be able to go back tomorrow, I wish there was something to relieve the symptoms faster, but at least what I took is an improvement.

Private Schools riding Public Buses

A Religious elementary school got on the subway today, which was an interesting experience to observe. They reminded me in many ways of my own experience growing up in religious schools. I think I was a little too scared and too good. They also seemed much less into how they looked, than I imagine public school kids are, and a number of them seemed to be trying very much to please their teacher/supervisor.

Kind of made me want to slouch or do something really unruly, LOL :P.

Blog Title Choices

Ok, the last Title was more reflective of the overall focus I want to have in this blog, although I might end up posting more superficial stuff, in reality. (Wouldn't want you to get your hopes up or anything ;)).

For instance, I got this email forwarded to me, and now it's available for your viewing at your nearest screen:

Subject: Fw: The Spanish Computer

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that inSpanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine."House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa.""Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is a 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked themto decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("lacomputadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internallogic;
2. The native language they use to communicate withother computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long termmemory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you findyourself spending half your paycheck on accessoriesfor it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think forthemselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that ifyou had waited a little longer, you could have gottena better model.

The women won.=

Inner Truth In An Outer World

Recently, someone suggested I start a blog. "Do I really want to post my thoughts in public?" I thought. No, so I'll make this easier for right now. I will post some notes from a lecture last night in OZ.

Dr. David Lieberman, a lecturer, who spoke to a nice sized audience of singles at OZ, about the "Laws of Attraction" talked about how

1) People are more attracted to something they can't have 'too' easily. Key note on the word 'too'. People don't want things that are too difficult either apparently, we're just finicky are we? ;) We want things just so...

2) People are generally attracted to self esteem, so to date, it helps for one to work on theirs. People with good self esteem care able to do another important thing that is needed on a date - make another person feel good about themself. People who feel good about themselves, makes others feel that way too. As the saying goes "Hurt people, hurt people."

3) Don't have a 'tell all' policy on the first date. It's best to put your best foot forward. In the past, I would have disagreed perhaps, but I do agree at this point. Kind of like with finding a job. Everyone has things that are not the best, better to leave that until someone knows the positive about you as well, so they can develop caring for you before finding out the more difficult parts.

I have a lot more to say, but it's not all for your ears...rather, eyes :).

I dedicate this post to all the single dating frum people out there who might gain a little something from this re-post of ideas from last night.

Have a good one.

I.T.