R-E-S-P-E-C-T and Control

Dating has become interesting. I've sort of realized lately that the most common element missing in a lot of people dating today is self respect, and respect for other people.

Most people have not learned to respect themselves. They have learned to push down their feelings, stay on top, stay sarcastic, make people laugh, never show vulnerability. They have learned to excel and to measure themselves through their jobs, and how others measure them. They never learn to gauge from within, their own opinion of themselves.

When they are angry, or feel threatened or scared, they get sarcastic, put down other people, run away without letting the other person get close. Men more than women suffer from feeling they must shove down their feelings, and may not even be aware of their feelings. Like children, they act out what they don't feel safe saying. They want to say 'what you said insulted me' so instead they joke and insult you. They want to say 'I need your attention', instead they may blame you for being too busy, or joke about how busy you are. Obviously, this hurts the other person, there is no way to talk through feelings or heal them, resolve them without being honest about them.

Next, there is the desire to control the other person that is so prevalent, and so hidden.

A great question for one to ask themselves is:

What do I wish I could control about this other person's
-thoughts
-actions
-feelings
-choices
-behaviours
-religious beliefs
-values

Another great excercize that can be helpful is to make a list of the people who have been significant in your life (both in childhood and adulthood), and write down in separate columns how you tried to change them to be how you wanted, (read list above for specific categories), whether it worked, if so for how long, and what the repercussions were ultimately for doing so.

If you are very honest with this excercize, your life and your dating life might change drastically for the better. I learned this from someone and am passing it on to all of you...